uhhhhhhhhhhmmmmm

i'm going to africa.




seriously.

i guess this is me, just add 30 pounds and junk in her trunk

having trouble thinking ,
about what to do.
things need to be said, but can't find...the words?


or time.


do these things really make a difference?
life----or----death
of a relationfriendship


afraid to speak.my mind.

im going to have an "almost summer"/birthday party soon.

asdha;wdh;aiwdha

too bad parties cost money.


i'm going to the art gallery today to see "the visceral" francis bacon

i'm getting restless.

i need to get on the move.
i want to go somewhere.

i have nearly 30 paid vacation hours waiting for me to use them up.

where should i go?
with who?

i might spontaneously combust if i don't do something soon.

i've never felt so...held down by "the man"...

things are going really well.
i am really happy.
i'm in a great place with great people
and i'm meeting a ton a new friends
and have made one really great new friend.

i've been thinking about school lately. iknow it's a bum thing not to be in school, but i really think i needed to not go to school. this almost year off has provided me with the time i think i needed to get things on the right track and make some changes that i don't think i could have done if i was stressing out about school and work and paying rent and trying to have a social life all at once.

i thought i would be able to go back this coming fall semester,but it turns out i am not "technically" a NY state resident yet. so i will have to wait another semester. but i think by that time i will be dying to dive into textbooks and long library hours.

right now i am just going to enjoy my extremely free time and have fun, because soon enough i will have to start being more serious about...life i suppose.

DISCLAIMER: i do realize that as i am making the statement i am about to make i am doing exactly what i am saying not to do, but since this is what every body does, this is how i have to do it.

I really REALLY REALLLLYYY hate how the internet has completely and totally utterly made us all forget how to communicate on a personal level. If we are all such good great close friends, then there shouldn't be a problem with talking to one onther over the phone or...IN PERSON god forbid.

To:Myspace, Facebook, Livejournal and AIM,

please stop being so appealing my friends so that we can communicate like real human beings. You made us forget about life before all of you came along. Just think, 5 or 6 years ago we didn't even have cell phones, let alone personal websites and online diaries. Please make my friends realize that they are turning into robots and pick up the phone.

To: my friends,

ask me for my phone number if you don't have it, ask marissa for her phone number if you don't have it, ask kerry for her phone number if you do't have it, ask joe for his phone number if you don't have it. and if you do have USE IT!

thank you.

too bad i was lame in florida and never made close friends with the people who tried to take me in.

don't take this wrong at all, i am where i've wanted to be.

i just wonder what it would be like if i actually tried and didn't let anything or anyone get in the way of me making friends.

oh well. i guess...?

it's just a little weird because the last time i lived here, we were all still in highschool and didn't really have anything to do.

now we have jobs and NEED our jobs to survive and most go to school and some aren't even here anymore.

i don't want this winter to seperate us anymore than these past two years seem to have done.

and, maybe FL kids will come up, maybe.

i'm just remembering back to last winter when emily came down and i got to meet cool kids and i totally fucked it up and disappeared for months. maybe things would have been different if i didn't give up so easily.


akljhd;oha

nevermindddd

so, i'm moving home next week

hope to see a lot of people

sick year and a half vacation in FL

shit's wack yo

oh my goddddddddd

i miss EVERYONE

literally EVERYONE from home.

even people who were just kind of friends, or people i haven't talked to in over a year

i still miss them.


i almost can't wait to be back

my birthday is on monday

i'm really not looking forward to celebrating alone

but, i'm working all day and it's a holiday, so i get paid time and a half

so i guess thats like having a party...?


thanks con, for coming to see me
i really needed it

stop being (or trying to be) so elitest.

your fakeness shows.

so either cut it out, or find a better way to cover it up.

keep your agendas WIIIIIDEEEE open.



trust me.

deleted.

i need to hit the reset button

i guess i just can't believe it.

dissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

forgotten 

Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: unremembered
Synonyms: 
abandoned, 
blanked out, 
blotted out, 
blown off, 
buried, 
bygone, 
clean forgot, 
disremembered, 
erased, 
gone, 
lapsed, 
left behind, 
left out, 
lost, 
obliterated, 
omitted, 
past, 
past recollection, 
repressed, 
suppressed, 
unrecalled, 
unremembered, 
unretained

i hate high school girls

i KNOW i was never like that.

so...

i hate high school girls from FLORIDA


other than that, everything is is fantastic

the past month(s) i have been feeling:

lonely
happy
nostalgic
hysterical
left out
avoided
excited
anxious
worried
comfortable
timid
loved
unloved
hated


so generally, i've been a mess.
i wish i didn't feel the need to mask myself.